Seen Through A Window

I see a family. A man, woman and two children, sitting on the sofa watching TV. I can’t hear it, but whatever is on must be funny, because every few minutes, they burst into laughter.

The perfect family. The one thing I wish to acquire, yet have not received. I made the decision long ago, when I was young, to not have children until I was married, a logical decision, as I was young and didn’t want the responsibilies that children would bring me.

But now I’m older, more mature, and my ‘biological clock’ is ticking. I’ve had several relationships, the last one ending after six years. Six whole years! I thought he was the one, but…what a waste!

Looking back at that idyllic scene, barred from me with frail glass, I start to feel a sort of dislike, no…hatred. Hate and jealousy. Why couldn’t that be me in there, watching trashy Saturday night TV with people I love, and who love me in return?

I feel a kind of wetness on my cheeks, and realise that I’m crying. Harsh tears full of regrets and anger.

I dig around inside my bag to find a tissue, quickly looking around hoping no one is watching me, but no one is around. I’m alone, but grateful for it this time.

I take another look in the window. Guess the show has ended now, because the man is standing up, stretching, says a few unheard words to the girl, who uncurls herself from the sofa and leave the room, yawning. The little boy is sleeping, so peacefully unaware of the world.

The man gently picks him up, cradling the boy to his chest, the same way I would’ve liked to be held… I watch the man carry the boy out of the room, followed by the woman, feeling tears fill up in my eyes. As they move through the doorway, that vision of perfection disappears. Without thinking, I slam my hand on the window. ‘Stop! Don’t go!’ I want to say, but no sound comes out. The hot stinging tears stream down my face again.

Startled, the woman through the window looks around…she must’ve heard me…

She looks out the window, her eyes meet mine. I remember where I am. I’ve been caught looking into a stranger’s home, invading their private lives, disrupting their perfect life with my emotions and my fears and my sadness and my tears.

I see a woman. Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open in a perfect ‘O’. Sense returns to me, I back away from the window, stepping out of their world, back to my reality…as much as I want that life, it will never be mine…

_____________________________________________________________________________

‘Honey! I just saw a face at the window!’

“What are you talking about?”

“Just now… I saw a woman’s face staring at me!”

“Impossible love, we’re on the third floor… c’mon, let’s get some sleep, eh?”

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